英语笑话100篇让人喷饭的英语小笑话 爆笑英语go go go

 

　　1、Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

 

　　"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

 

　　"But has he finished his own cake?"

 

　　"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

 

　　"汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？" 妈妈在厨房里问。"他在哭。"

 

　　"没事儿，妈妈，" 汤姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。"

 

　　"他已经吃完自己的了么？"

 

　　"是的。" "我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。"

 

　　2、Boy: Is this seat empty?

 

　　Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

 

　　男孩：这个座位是空的么？

 

　　女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。

 

　　3、ow much English can you speak?

 

　　"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft.

 

　　He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a

 

　　few words of English."

 

　　The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

 

　　The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

 

　　中文翻译：

 

　　"法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，N乎不认路。而且，他只会说N个英语

 

　　单词。"

 

　　法官看了看被告，问道："你会说多少英文？"

 

　　被告抬起头，说："把你的钱包给我！"

 

　　4、A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that

 

　　men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this

 

　　for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to

 

　　repeat everything they say.

 

　　He said, "What?"

 

　　丈夫给妻子看了一项调查结果，为了向她证明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000个字，而女人每天使

 

　　用30000个。

 

　　妻子想了一会儿说，女人每天说的字数是男人的两倍，因为她们必须重复已经说过的话。

 

　　他问："什么？"

 

　　5、A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."

 

　　The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"

 

　　The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"

 

　　路人甲对路人乙说，"猜猜我兜里有N个子儿？"

 

　　路人乙说："我猜对了，你能给我壹个不？"

 

　　路人甲说："你要猜对了，我两个全部给你！"

 

　　6、making faces

 

　　Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently

 

　　reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was

 

　　told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that". Bobby looked up and replied,

 

　　"Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

 

　　史密斯小姐发现她的一名学生在操场上向别人做鬼脸，便去轻责他。

 

　　这位主日学校的老师甜甜地微笑着，说："博比，我小的时候，有人告诉我如果我做鬼脸，我的脸就会僵硬，永远都那

 

　　么丑。"

 

　　博比抬头看了看老师，说："史密斯小姐，你可别说没人警告过你啊。"

 

　　7、The doctor lives downstairs

 

　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

 

　　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

 

　　医生住在楼下

 

　　“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道.

 

　　“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病.”

 

　　他从头到脚打量打量她,然后大声说：“太太,我有三件事要对你说.第一,您的体重需要减少大约50磅;第二,如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红,您的美貌将会改变.第三,我是一位画家——医生住在楼下.”

 

　　8、　One Engine Left

 

　　A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."

 

　　Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

 

　　At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

 

　　只剩一个引擎

 

　　一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时,喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意,我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了.但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的.只是我们要因此晚到一小时 .” 过了一会儿,旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位,你们猜怎么啦?我们刚又掉了第三个引擎.但请你们相信好了.只有一个引擎我们也能飞,但要晚三个小时了.” 正在这时,一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上,如果我们再掉一个引擎,我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了.”